


Again and for the First Time

by BittyBlueEyes



Series: Eleven and His Rose [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4423001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BittyBlueEyes/pseuds/BittyBlueEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose and the Doctor have their separate errands to run and Rose's doesn't go quite as planned. What does she do when she runs into a familiar face?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Again and for the First Time

“We could go together, you know,” the Doctor suggested as he held out Rose’s purse for her. She took hold, but he didn’t yet relinquish it, holding onto the strap as though his grip could keep her there.

Rose sighed in exasperation and waited impatiently for him to release it. “So you’ve said a dozen times. You know my answer.”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. The Drioxlin Prime Minister is waiting for you. You said you’d be there,” she reminded him firmly.

“Yes, but this is a time machine. We could-”

“You said as soon as you could and I’m holding you to that. And I’m not going with you. There’s no way I’m fitting back into those straps they call clothes and they made it quite clear that I’m unwelcome to wear my own clothes.” Rose gently tugged on her purse until the Doctor finally let go. He looked like he was about to argue further, but Rose continued before he could. “It makes sense that we split up. I’ve got things to do. You’ve got things to do. We split up for a few hours and we should be back together before dinner.”

“Unless you get lost again.”

“You mean, unless _you_ get lost again. I was where and when I said I’d be. You’re the one that landed on the wrong continent.” Rose crossed her arms, challenging him to argue _that_. They’d already gone over the TARDIS’s recording of their conversation to prove who was correct. Rose, of course.

The Doctor looked away with a small pout. “To be fair, the names of the continents sound very similar.”

“Listen, I know you worry about me, but it’s just a quick shopping trip. I’m not a child. I can go on my own.”

“I’m very aware that you’re not a child, but you’re still very jeopardy friendly.” He was no longer arguing, but looked at her with concern and resignation.

“I’m a big girl. I think I handle myself quite well,” she said with a reassuring smile, slowly backing toward the large tree in the center of one of the TARDIS’s gardens.

“By dinner time,” he softly ordered.

“Six o’clock on the dot. We’ll cook up the dish you’ve been raving about,” she agreed as she continued her backwards steps. The Doctor followed, matching each one.

“And you remember what you’re looking for? A-”

“549 osmiridium auxokinetic quad-dipolar trajector,” she chorused with him.

“Yes, I know,” she said becoming more and more flustered by the overly-protective man that she called her beloved. “I helped build her, you know. I know what she needs.”

Rose finally reached the tall oak and found a handle there without even a glance. She could feel the almost imperceptible hum of the engines buried deep within. Her dear TARDIS was itching to leave as badly as her.

“I know. I know,” the Doctor replied, looking a bit flustered himself. “I just…”

“Dinner,” Rose repeated her commitment as she pushed the tree’s hidden door inward. The light of the console room glowed behind her, matching the warmth of her comforting smile. The Doctor sighed and Rose stopped. She understood his anxiety. She felt it, too, letting him go off alone when trouble seemed to follow him everywhere, but their independence was still necessary. She stepped forward, placed a soft kiss upon his brow, and retreated into her TARDIS.

When the door closed, Rose leaned against it. It had been ten years since she found the Doctor again, three years since her TARDIS had taken its first trip, but only Rose’s third time travelling without him. They flew it often, of course, her TARDIS and his taking turns, but he was still too anxious to let her go off on her own, afraid he’d lose her again.

Shaking her head, she also shook her guilt and anxiety. She focused, instead, on the console and glowing time rotor at the top of the small ramp. A TARDIS of her own, with a design meant for her. It looked almost identical to the console room that she first travelled in, in the Doctor’s TARDIS, but more… comfortable. It was shaped as a large dome, with the same shaped struts, but gone were the cold metal walls and rough coral. Instead, it was a smooth white material with a slightly glossy shine. Large circular lights ran in vertical lines up to the top of the room, casting a light blue glow over everything. In place of the metal grates, the flooring was covered in black rubber tread that softened Rose’s footsteps as she made her way to the center of the room.

“Hello, beautiful,” she greeted as she stroked the console. Oh, she had teased the Doctor many times in past about doing that same thing, but now she understood. It was far more than a machine and she had come to love it in a very unique way. “Ready to go?”

The young TARDIS hummed beneath Rose’s fingers as she carefully selected the right switches and turned the dials just right. She checked everything over again and, once satisfied, she engaged dematerialization. She glanced just a second at the view screen to see the Doctor closing the door to the garden and assured herself again that it was just a shopping trip, like popping into Tesco. What could happen?

 

* * *

 

“It’s _how_ _much_?” Rose gaped in shock, her brows knit in agitation.

“550 Teslecs.” The man – _alien_ man – behind the counter looked at her straight-faced, but she saw the hint of a suppressed smirk in the corner of his mouth.

“It’s worth less than half that!” Rose cried in outrage. She looked around her to see that she had attracted a few glances from her volume, but the busy shoppers continued on as though nothing had happened. Marketplaces were like that wherever one went. People went bustling through the open air market from one stall to the next. This wasn’t quite an open air market though. It was an enormous building, as big as three or four large football stadiums, made up of thin metal sheeting haphazardly thrown together. Small slivers of sunlight streamed through the tiny gaps in the metal sheets, making Rose feel more outdoors than in. The first time she had set foot inside the Brosterin Bazaar, she’d wondered aloud how it possibly stayed up. Of course, the Doctor went right into a long-winded explanation, her pinstriped Doctor it was, and she immediately tuned him out, gazing at the wares of each small shop. This time, however, Rose was only interested in the one.

“I say again: 550 Teslecs.” The man lifted his chin to look down on her, quite pleased with himself, and crossed his four stubby arms across his chest to prove his stubbornness.

“And I say again: It’s worth less than half that.” Rose glared at him and thumped the cylindrical metal ship part onto the counter between them.

“Worth is a funny thing,” a voice came from over her left shoulder. A northern accent she’d know anywhere. Rose froze in stiff posture, unsure how to breathe. Her heart thundered in her chest. She wanted to turn around, but was afraid to. Afraid he would be there and afraid he wouldn’t be. So many years had passed since she last saw that face. She loved her Doctor as he was now, and loved the Doctor with his pinstripes and wild hair, but she had never stopped missing this man, too. She could still see his funny last smile. She wanted him to be there. At the same time, she knew the danger of seeing him. She should run away. She knew that she should. Yet she was rooted on spot, unable to move.

“What’s worth something somewhere,” the voice continued as he came around to stand beside her at the counter, “could be worth something else completely to another person.”

Rose opened her eyes, not realizing that she had closed them, and looked up into the bright blue eyes of the man next to her. He was exactly as she remembered him: his eyes, his smile, his short dark hair, and the large ears and nose that people seemed to poke fun at. He did himself. She didn’t though. He was him, just the Doctor, and he was perfect.

“Really, what it comes down to, is how badly you need it,” he finished. She stared at him a second longer, searching for any sign that he might recognize her. Did he think she was the Rose he first met? She hardly looked like she had aged at all. Though pushing seventy years old, she couldn’t look more than a couple years older than when he met her and that was mainly due to her subtler use of makeup.

No, there was no recognition. But how could there have been? She hadn’t visited the bazaar until after he regenerated. He hadn’t met her yet.

“So,” he prodded, “How badly do you need it?”

“I need it, but not for 550 Teslecs,” she spoke at last. She was surprised to find that her voice sounded casual even though she was swimming in nervous energy.

“Ah, but I need it, too,” he explained as he picked up the mechanical part and turned it over in his hands. “What if it’s worth 550 Teslecs to me?”

“It’s not,” she said confidently. She knew him well. That man haggled more than anyone she’d ever met.

“Oh, but it might be. See, supply and demand. One part, two buyers.”

Her confidence began to slip. He had a point.

“Fine,” she acknowledged with light annoyance. “Maybe it’d be worth it then.”

“But would it be worth 600?” he asked, raising both brows. His smile confused her. Was he playful or trying to upset her? “Because if I offer him the 550, you’d have to offer more for it.”

“What? So this is an auction now?” she asked tartly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a greedy grin spread across the shopkeeper’s face.

“Looks like, yeah,” the Doctor replied, his bright smile still in place. He was getting pleasure out of taunting her. Like old times. “So tell me now, what’s it worth? How high are you willing to go?”

Rose’s smile grew to match his smug expression and she crossed her arms over her chest. It was a game. They were playing with toy money. The Doctor always thought himself above currency and, with the help of his sonic screwdriver or psychic paper, he illegally procured whatever funds he needed. Living that life along with him, Rose did the same. She rationalized it by telling herself that the universe really did owe them for all they did.

So there they stood, Rose Tyler and the Doctor, fighting for the same item with unlimited money on each side.

“The question is,” Rose countered, “what’s it worth to _you_? I could easily pay double if I had to.”

“But could you pay triple?” he challenged. The shopkeeper’s face looked like it might split in two from the size of his smile.

“I could.” Rose tried to appear unaffected, but inside she was laughing. “I could pay five times. The thing is, _would_ I?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t either.” He laughed and placed the part back on the counter. “In fact, I wouldn’t pay more than 200.” The Doctor finally turned to the shopkeeper. “You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to overcharge her.”

“550 Teslecs.” The man’s upper lip curled in anger at having been played with, his thick brows touching in a deep scowl.

“Not a chance. You charge her 200 and I won’t tell the authorities over there that you’re selling stolen merchandise,” the Doctor bargained.

“It’s not stolen!” the man argued. “I bought it fair and square.”

“From a man that sells stolen merchandise then. This has the stamp of ownership right here and you can see from the wires that it’s been ripped out of an engine.” The Doctor’s voice was loud enough that a few people from the stands on either side of them looked up with interest. “So, 200?”

The man looked around to see just who might have overheard. His sneer could not hide his worry.

“I said, 200 then?” The Doctor repeated.

“Fine,” the shopkeeper growled. “Just be quick and get lost.”

The Doctor leaned closer to Rose and whispered, “You do have the money, don’t you?”

Rose laughed as she opened her purse. The Doctor’s eyes widened when he saw that she really did have the money to back up her part of their play auction.

The transaction was completed quickly and the ship part was thrust into Rose’s hands a little more forcefully than necessary.

‘This is it then,’ thought Rose. The last time she’d see him. It was nice. She studied the Doctor’s face for just a moment longer, memorizing any tiny detail that she might have forgotten. She wondered if he would remember her. _This_ her, meeting a blond woman in the bazaar. Maybe that’s why he took to her so quickly when she first met him in London. 19-year-old Rose Tyler looked familiar for some reason?

“Well, okay then,” she said awkwardly. As simple a word as it was, she couldn’t seem to say ‘goodbye’. “See ya around.”

“What? No thank you?” The Doctor asked as she began walking away.

Rose paused, struck by the question, and turned to stare at him quizzically. The Doctor never asked to be thanked. Not ever.

“Not even a little gratitude? I just saved you a lot of money. And now I have to head to another galaxy to get the part I need. Hard to come by, those trajectors.”

“Er, thank you.” It was as much a question as it was a statement.

“That’s it?” he pressed.

“Well, what is it you’re looking for?”

“I think a name and a handshake might do.”

A name. Rose’s panic returned instantly but it remained hidden under her casual façade.

“Worth half as much,” she declared.

“Which half?”

“A handshake, I can do.” Though she agreed to it, she didn’t move, still standing with a distance between them.

“Anonymity. Just a stranger. I see. Can be a good thing, anonymity, but you have to be just as careful with that as you do with your name. Often times, anonymous people are the untrustworthy type.”

“I’m not untrustworthy,” she plainly stated. “I’m no smuggler or thief, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Can’t help but wonder though, can I? You just bought stolen merchandise,” he countered.

“You practically bought it for me,” she reminded him. “Maybe you’re the untrustworthy one.”

“Perhaps,” he agreed. She was frustrated that he did. There was no one in the universe she trusted more. “Guess this is where we say ‘goodbye’ then. Goodbye.” He gave her a little wave and a smile and turned away.

The voice in her head told Rose to turn away. It was goodbye. A forever goodbye. The goodbye she never really got when he left her the first time. It had been surprisingly easy to turn and walk away a few moments ago, escaping a dangerous situation, but it was harder than she could have imagined watching him walk away from her.

“Wait!” she cried out. “A drink.”

“Sorry?” he asked.

“As a thank you,” she clarified. “I could buy you a drink.”

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I don’t do romantics,” he stated uncertainly.

Rose rolled her eyes. “I’m not asking for them. I just offered to buy you a drink.”

The Doctor was still eyeing her suspiciously. The look vanished as quickly as it came, replaced by his smile. _That_ smile. The one that never reached his eyes. No, it took a few weeks of traveling with him before she ever really saw a full genuine smile. It would do though. As long as he didn’t just walk away from her, it would do.

He stepped up to her but then kept walking, expecting her to keep up. “There’s a good place up here, right around the bend. My name’s the Doctor, by the way.”

Rose laughed. “And I’m the suspicious one?”

He looked affronted, as she knew he would.

“That’s my name though. That’s me. I’m the Doctor.”

“Sounds like an alias to me,” she argued. In a way, it was, and yet, it wasn’t. He wasn’t born ‘The Doctor’, but ‘The Doctor’ was his name, a name he chose for himself, as was his people’s tradition. She only said it to wind him up.

“Better than what you’ve got. Just what am I supposed to call you?”

Rose thought it over for a second. “Well, if you’re the Doctor, I guess you can call me the Traveler.”

“Is that what you are then?”

“I am,” she smiled brightly.

“Good thing to be. My favorite thing to do, too.”

The two of them entered the eatery at the edge of the marketplace. Rose referred to it as the corner restaurant, but being in a round structure, it was more like a corral against one of the metal walls. After a quick look around, they took a high table near the entrance. Once given the Doctor’s “I’ll have what you’re having,” she headed to the bar to order their drinks.

“So, _Traveler_ ,” the Doctor teased when she returned, “just where is it you’re from?”

Rose squirmed on her stool as she considered how to answer. “You first.”

She realized her mistake too late. She was trying to turn the tables to prove he didn’t want to say either, but she forgot how fresh the loss of his home was. This was the Doctor right after the Time War; a damaged man, shattered by loss and guilt.

“Ah, yes, anonymity,” he said with a pinched smile. “This will make for an interesting conversation.”

Rose shrugged, still feeling guilty about bringing up Gallifrey. “It can be if you pick the right questions.”

“All right then, _Traveler_ ,” he tried again. “Just where is it that you travel?”

“Anywhere I can.” The Doctor rolled his eyes at the vague answer. She chuckled and continued. “Really though, I just sort of pick a place that sounds interesting and I go.”

“On your own?” he asked, looking around as though a fellow traveler of hers might pop up.

“Typically with a friend of mine. I’m on my own this trip though.”

“Where’re you comin’ from?”

“Umbeka.” Rose didn’t hesitate this time. On her short journey to the market, she traveled only through space, not time. It could have been difficult otherwise, possibly mentioning a planet that was dead or uninhabited at this point in its history, something the Doctor would surely catch.

“Umbeka?” he inquired with mild surprise. “Not really a tourist spot.”

“It wouldn’t be though, would it? Winters that last for centuries?”

“You went for summer then?”

“Yep. Couldn’t resist seeing what their summer festivals were like.”

“Festivals last all summer, I hear. Mind, summer only lasts a few weeks. Quite a journey between here and there. You must have a pretty fast ship.”

“You know that I do. I just bought a 549 osmiridium auxokinetic quad-dipolar trajector.”

“Right,” he said, as though he’d forgotten. He hadn’t though and it made her uncomfortable. “So what was it like then? Umbeka? Never been, myself. Been meaning to visit, but just haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Gorgeous. We made it at the beginning of the festivities, just as summer was beginning. Winter lasts for centuries, the planet covered in snow, but no one ever builds in the lake beds. You think they’d forget where the line ends after a few decades, but they don’t. The snow melts gracefully into the lakes and oceans and the buildings are all a close but comfortable distance from the water, like they were made to be waterfront property.”

“Sounds fantastic.”

“Well, it was at the start.” Rose sighed and shook her head. “I arrived at the festival dressed in the traditional garments, but turns out I had my _bauflan_ on wrong. Caused a right scene. Nearly tossed in prison for it. Over a hat! If you ever do visit, the flap goes on the _left_ side.”

The sound of his laugh made Rose’s heart soar. Oh, how she’d missed it. Perhaps she’d miss it even more after this meeting. She let it echo in her mind, committing it to memory, desperate to hold on to it.

“Your turn,” she said. “Where were you last?”

“Sector 8023 of Mutter’s Spiral.”

“Earth?” she asked. Another mistake. A big mistake this time. She knew it even before she looked up at him. She’d taken his bait. Only Time Lords referred to her home galaxy as Mutter’s Spiral.

“Right.” His tight-lip, fake smile was back and she could see he was done with her. Rose gaped at him as he finished the last of his drink and put his cup down with an aggravated thump. “With that, I’m done. Been a laugh.”

“Wait!” she cried, but he was already moving. He slid off his stool and rounded the corner leading out of the eatery, all in one smooth motion. In time with him, Rose swooped up her purse and the trajector and was right on his heels.

“Stop for a second, will you?” she pleaded. She usually had no problem keeping up with him but in the crowded market, it was difficult. Huffing in frustration, she gave up on politely weaving through the crowd and walked straight through, bumping people out of her way. “Doctor, wait!” she demanded.

He stopped suddenly and rounded on her, his eyes cold. “Look, I don’t know who you are, but I know enough. I’m done with your little game.”

“It’s not a game. Look, I’m sorry. We can still fix this, alright?” she asked desperately.

“It’ll fix itself.”

“Please!” she begged, putting all she had into one simple word. He turned from her and continued his quick stride.

“It’s your fault, not mine.” He said it so flippantly that Rose knew it was meant to be his goodbye. Her desperation was growing.

“I did my best! What was I supposed to do? You showed up and started chatting with me!” she shouted at his back. At that point, she was no longer bumping into people, but pushing them out of her way. He had to listen to her. Nothing else mattered.

“If you were the least bit smart, you would’ve legged it the second you saw me.”

“I-“

“For the best though, if you ask me. I’ve sworn off taking passengers. Especially humans. Damn stupid apes, the lot of you. And you thought I wouldn’t figure it out.” He scowled over his shoulder. “You really think I’m that dumb? Bottle-blonde by _peroxide_. They stopped using that method near 300 years ago. And a human way out here in the 24 th century? I thought perhaps, just _perhaps_ , you were somehow connected to the Time Agency. Ya bought their stolen property back without blinkin’. But I knew it. Just knew it. You know me.”

“Which means that at some point you know me! You may have sworn off passengers for now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t change your mind in the future. You have to forget this. Make yourself forget this and everything will go as it’s supposed to! Just give me a chance! Doctor!”

“Future me gave you a chance. And this is where you screwed it up.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this! You can make yourself forget this ever happened. I’ve seen you do it!”

“Could, but I won’t. You’re lucky we’re just rewriting history. Could have been a big ol’ paradox if the other me caught up with us.”

The Doctor’s TARDIS came into view, positioned neatly between two vendors, and Rose ran for it full-tilt. She was running out of time and refused to be left behind. She beat him to it and waited with a look of determination as he unlocked it. They both pushed through the door at the same time and Rose stood with triumph midway up the ramp.

“Get out,” the Doctor ordered fiercely.

“Not a chance. Not until you forgive me this,” she insisted.

“Fine. You’re forgiven,” he said dismissively. “Now get out.”

“We can’t end like this,” she said quietly. “Please don’t let us end like this.”

“I don’t do passengers,” he repeated flatly.

“I’m a friend.”

“I don’t do those either.”

“You need me,” she insisted.

He scoffed. “Real quick change from sweet to pretentious, don’t ya think?”

“You need me like I need you.”

“When I say it’s better that I don’t take passengers, it’s for them, not for me.”

“I know,” she replied. As tense as things still were, Rose still felt a small measure of relief. At least he was listening. “You’re wrong though. I wouldn’t change my life for anything. Traveling with you is everything to me. _You’re_ everything to me. My best friend and so much more.”

“You deserve better.”

“There is no better!”

“I’m a monster!” he roared angrily. “If you don’t know that then you don’t know a thing about me!”

Rose took a small step back from him, her head bowed and heart breaking. What little ground she had gained, she just lost.

“I know you better than anyone in the universe ever has or ever will,” she whispered.

“If you actually believe that, then you’re even dumber than I thought,” he spit venomously.

“I didn’t want it to end like this…” She pressed her lips tightly together as she made the futile effort to hold back her tears. “I only wanted another hour with you, _this_ you. It’s been so long. I just-” She let out a shuddering breath, unsure of what else to say.

“Right then,” he said quietly, averting his gaze. The guilt of what he was doing to her was already taking hold. It would plague him forever, she knew, but he wouldn’t change his mind. “If you’re done now, I’d appreciate it if you left.”

Rose’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Is it really so bad? I’ll meet you, recognize you, leave you where you are, and you’ll never-” He stopped midsentence when Rose let out a sob. “What I’m trying to say is… You won’t remember any of this. You’ll-”

“No, love,” Rose spoke quietly. “It’s you that won’t remember.”

He stared at her dumbfounded for a moment, and then the fear stepped in. “What do you mean?” he demanded.

“I know you better than anyone else in the universe ever has or ever will… I knew you’d remember me. The moment I refused to give you my name… I thought you _might_ forget me, but I couldn’t take the chance, so I invited you for a drink.”

“You tried to poison my drink,” he scowled, his teeth clenched in fury.

“Drug, not poison,” she corrected. “And I did.”

“I switched drinks with you.” Though is voice was flat as he made the statement, she read all that she needed from the look on his face. He thought she was the one drugged. Part of him believed she deserved it and another part of him added it to his guilt list. Still another part held the fear of uncertainty. She had surprised him.

“I know you switched drinks with me. I knew that you would, so I put it in my drink.” Rose’s voice was still a whisper as she explained it to him, her own guilt weighing her down.

The Doctor’s panic was rising. “But I saw you drink from it before I switched them!” he barked.

“It was for show. You wouldn’t switch them until you thought mine was safe.”

“You! …You!” The Doctor’s fists were clenched and his nostrils flared as he turned circle in frustration. He looked like he might hit something. He looked like he wanted to flee. He was as frightened and furious as a caged animal. Swooping down on her, he grabbed her by the collar and stared her fiercely in the eye. “What did you give me?”

“It’s called Retcon. Well, the original creators called it that. The Doctor made his own recipe. He thought it was best that I carry some with me. It’s an amnesia pill. Takes away twenty-four hours worth of memories,” she explained quietly. Though her voice was calm and clear, the tears continued to come. “It’ll make you sleepy and when you wake up, you won’t remember a thing.”

“I’m a Time Lord. Drugs don’t always work on my like they do others.” He tried to have faith in his superior physiology, but his fear was still evident. The anger in his eyes was fading, being replaced with a silent plea.

“The Doctor made it himself. He tested it on himself… just in case.”

“Why?! So you could betray me?”

“He gave it to me for protection. To keep me safe. To keep others safe. Certain knowledge in the wrong hands… or in this case, the wrong time…”

“I don’t feel anything,” he said defiantly.

“It takes a little time to kick in, but I’m sure it’s already started,” she said apologetically. He still didn’t want to believe her. He wanted to pretend he didn’t feel anything. His memory was fine.

Rose sighed. “Do you remember what you had for breakfast?”

The Doctor’s mind worked furiously for an answer, but he had no idea how his day had even started. Did he sleep in the last twenty-four hours? He didn’t need as much rest as humans. Perhaps he slept. Perhaps he didn’t. It was all a blur.

“Why are you doing this?” His voice was quiet. He was resigned to this end.

“For us,” she assured him. “I promise it’s better this way. I promise.”

He stopped and stared into her eyes, daring to hope she might be right. There was nothing left to do but hope.

“I know where you are in your life right now. I know it’s hard. I know it hurts. But it gets better.”

“Wounds like mine don’t heal. They’re not meant to.”

“Pain of loss doesn’t vanish. Neither do chains of guilt. That doesn’t mean life can’t get better. It takes time. One day you wake up, once time has passed, you’ll wake up and you realize that the pain doesn’t sting as sharp as it did at the beginning, and the chains feel a bit lighter than they did in the past. Right now, you wake up with immediate thoughts of the past. Someday, you’ll start waking with anticipation for what comes next.”

“Time changes nothing. It’s what’s done with time,” he argued.

“Exactly,” she agreed. “There was a time when I felt lost, too. And you know what you told me to do? Run. When stopping hurts, you just don't stop; you keep going. When you feel like there's nothing left, you throw yourself into the universe and find out just how much there really is. When the pain feels enormous, go find something that makes you and your existence feel tiny. When you can't fix your own pain, go ease someone else's. And that's what we'll do, Doctor. We'll run.”

The Doctor swayed and stumbled slightly. Though he had denied feeling any effects of the drug, in truth, he was overcome with intense drowsiness. He wouldn’t last much longer.

Rose sighed and maneuvered herself under his arm to help keep him steady. “Alright then, let’s get you to bed.”

The Doctor watched her with a look of confusion and resignation. He was disinclined to trust her, still feeling betrayed, but there was something about her… Though he tried, he couldn’t keep from trusting her. It might have been that she was a just a very good liar, but he dared to hope she might be telling the truth.

“Here we go,” she said as she pulled down the covers on his bed. He scowled at the way she was mothering him, but it didn’t stop her from pulling the covers back up once he was in place.

He stared at her, scrutinizing her in hopes of finding answers. He simply couldn’t understand. “You’re just a kid. Just a little human. What am I doing with you?”

She smiled down softly and tenderly ran her fingers through his short cropped hair. He pulled back to dissuade her and narrowed his eyes.

“Just who are you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said with a slight shake of her head. “Not yet, anyway.”

“You’re stealing my memories from me. I think the least you could do is give me your name.”

“You won’t remember it if I do,” she reminded him sadly. “I am sorry about this, you know. So sorry. I didn’t want it to go like this.”

“If you had already drugged me, why were you pleading for me to erase my own memory? Doesn’t make sense.”

“I just wanted you to forgive me for it. I know it was asking a lot. I just wanted a goodbye. A proper goodbye this time,” she explained. “I didn’t know about regeneration until you started going through it. I miss you. _This_ you. I love you no matter what form you take, but the change is still hard.”

The Doctor was startled by the word ‘love’ and Rose’s smile grew, full of warmth he was sure he didn’t deserve. He felt his memories slipping then. The image of the two of them at the vendor’s stand was fading at the same moment he was trying to remember it.

“Please… I just want to know who you are,” he pleaded. “If I won’t remember, then what will it hurt?”

“Rose,” she introduced herself finally. “Rose Tyler.”

“Rose…” he whispered to himself, trying to tuck that one word away into a memory he might one day be able to find.

“You want to know a secret? A real sign of who I am?” She paused, unsure of herself once she made the offer. His expectant look coaxed her on. “I know who _you_ are.”

His confusion deepened. She leaned down and kissed him tenderly on the head and he thought she would leave him then without further explanation. She didn’t pull back though. She paused a moment with her eyes closed before she leaned down to whisper in his ear. It wasn’t _her_ secret that she shared, but his. His breath caught at the sound of his Gallifreyan name and his face turned to her with a look of utter shock and disbelief.

“But… But you’re just a-“

“You need me like I need you,” she told him again as she smiled down on him. This time, she saw that he believed her. Whoever this strange girl was, he knew now that he would need her.

“When?” he asked. “When do I find you? Where?”

“You won’t remember. You can’t,” she reminded him. “It’s okay though. It will happen as it should.”

She was going to leave any second, he could tell, but he no longer wanted her to go. He needed her already.

Rose reached out and gently stroked his cheek. “Rest well, Doctor. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Her smile brightened but unshed tears were gathered in her eyes. She was glowing with joy, just to be at his side again, but crushed by having to let him go.

The second she left the room, the Doctor wasn’t sure if he remembered her face properly. It was slipping away. Deep brown eyes and blond hair, but the face had no shape. It was slipping away from him. In a great panic, he grabbed a pen and paper off the bedside table and quickly jotted down the only thing he could still remember: “Rose.”

 

* * *

 

The trek back through the markets was a slow one. Rose's insides were swirling with a myriad of emotions. She was so happy for seeing her first Doctor again, but it had been painful to see him so damaged, knowing just how lonely he was. She wished she didn't have to leave him. She wished for just a little more time. Not even the TARDIS could grant her that though. It really had been goodbye to that man.

She laughed quietly at herself then. She was being silly. She had a dinner date with that same man in just a few hours. Well, she said 'date', they both called it a 'date', but it was something she got every day. The Doctor, her Doctor.

Rose came up on a large wooden shipping crate and smiled as she ran her fingers over the "this side up" message. She'd never dream of fixing the Doctor's TARDIS's chameleon circuit, feeling a great attachment to that blue box, but in the same way, she knew she'd be devastated if her own TARDIS's chameleon circuit broke. She loved her TARDIS's clever disguises.

Realizing that she was stalling, she fished out her TARDIS key. After taking once last glance in the direction of her old Doctor's TARDIS, she opened the shipping crate's hidden door and let herself in.

"I'm back," she announced. Her statement was met with silence, as she knew it would be. A small part of her appreciated the momentary solitude, a moment to reflect without inquiry of a nosy Time Lord. She wasn't sure he'd understand. A larger part of her was desperate to see him again. After abandoning him in a lone and broken state, she felt that she needed to make it up to him by being at his side now.

After setting her purse and the trajector on the plush jumpseat, she moved to the console and immediately started flipping switches. The time rotor had barely stopped when the Doctor's head popped through the doorway.

"You're late," he accused.

Rose looked at her monitor, worried about her timing. Had she-?

"I'm two minutes early," she corrected.

"Well, you've still kept me waiting."

"How long?"

"Thirty-eight minutes, give or take a few seconds. I was afraid I might miss you. Didn't want to keep you waiting," he explained.

"So you thought it'd be better to sit around worrying?"

"I always worry about you."

This she knew well. She was a worrier, too, though.

"So how'd it go with the Drioxlins?" she asked as she plopped down on the jumpseat.

The Doctor groaned. "Wasn't an alien invasion. It was first contact. Well, first contact, not including _us_. They've been slowly starting out into space and it seems one of their neighboring planets have been too. As you can guess, they both panicked. First contact can be fun, but not when they want you there just for diplomacy. New policies, treaties, setting up an exchange so they can train translators... Oh, it was a great big boring mess."

"How long were you there?" she asked curiously.

"Eighteen miserable hours before making my excuses. Well… I excused myself to use the loo. I’m sure they got the idea when they heard the TARDIS engines." Though amused at his own escape, he still looked sour at having so much of his time wasted on boring affairs. "What about you? Did you- Hold on, what are you doing?"

Rose glanced up at him, smiled, and continued unlacing her shoes. "Hot springs. There's a reason I chose this rendezvous point."

"Oh," the Doctor grinned. "We're going for a dip?"

"Just wanted to soak my feet, if that's alright."

"Course it is," he agreed as he began removing his own shoes. "But it causes me to worry a bit about your shoes. Your feet shouldn't be hurting that bad after a trip to the markets. Unless... You did make it to the markets, didn't you? Tell me everything went alright. You-"

"I'm fine," she hurried to assure him. " _I'm_ fine. My shoes are fine. I picked this rendezvous before going to the markets, remember? And it might have to do with the fact that we walked for seven hours straight yesterday."

"That wasn't my fault. If those devious little -"

Rose hushed him with a kiss and dropped his second shoe on the floor. "I never blamed you."

With an encouraging smile, she took his hand and led him outside. The view that greeted them caused Rose to pause. They were surrounded by lush dense forest, but there was an opening just before them that revealed a large valley below. At their feet, a small natural hot spring steamed, the warm water inviting Rose closer. Pulling the Doctor with her, she sat at the edge of the pool and slowly dipped her feet in. The Doctor smiled when she moaned in pleasure and sat down to join her.

“Better?” he asked.

Rose hummed in response.

“So, the bazaar, how was it?” he inquired.

“s’alright,” she said with a shrug.

The Doctor waited for her to respond further, but she sat silently, watching her feet as she moved her legs back and forth in the water. “I saw you got the part. You didn’t let them overcharge you, did you?”

A small sad smile appeared on Rose’s face as she gave a small shake of her head. No, her Doctor had talked the merchant down.

The Doctor was becoming increasingly concerned by her short quiet answers. Rose was always excited to share with him. “Anything else of interest? Any-?”

“I had to Recton you today,” Rose burst out suddenly.

The Doctor was stricken with alarm. His eyes were wide and he gaped at her, speechless, but only for a moment. Then the questions came streaming out. “What did I do? Today or was it actually yesterday? Or was yesterday the day before? I remember waking up next to you… but no, you said yesterday we walked for hours and I remember yesterd-“

“No, no!” Rose interrupted him, her hands raised in a manner to calm him. “Not this you. Past you. I ran into you at the market today, or more like you ran into me.”

“Oh,” the Doctor responded, slowly coming down from his panic. “Which me?”

“You when I first met you, only you hadn’t met me yet. We needed the same part. He wanted to chat… He asked my name. I didn’t give it to him, but I thought he might recognize me.”

“Sounds like you had no choice then,” the Doctor offered consolingly.

Rose nodded and sighed deeply. “He wanted to remember me. He wanted to remember so that when we met, he wouldn’t bring me along.”

“It must have been hard.” The Doctor laid a hand on her leg in comfort. “I wasn’t very friendly back then.”

“It’s not that… I miss him,” she admitted. “And he was so lonely. I wanted to be there for him.”

“But you _were_ there for me and you are now. I knew right away that you were what I needed, and you still are.”

“It’s not the same,” she quietly argued as she shook her head. “He-”

“You keep saying ‘he’, but that’s me, Rose. I _am_ him. You don’t need to miss him. I’m right here. Different face, but same man.”

Rose shook her head again and sighed. “You just don’t understand. I know you’re the same person, but you’re still different. _He_ was different.”

“You liked me better back then?” the Doctor asked with concern.

“No,” she answered quickly. “That’s not it either. I loved you back then, I love you now, and I loved the you in between. You just don’t understand… It’s not just a different face. It’s different mannerisms and slight changes in personality. I don’t love one more than the others, I just miss them when they go.”

The Doctor still regarded her with worry, insecurity written clearly on his face.

“Think of it from my point of view. One day, I’m going to regenerate. This face will be gone. Different smile, different laugh. I’ll act a bit different, too. Might be more witty, maybe a bit more serious. Might be quieter, could possibly babble as much as you. I have faith that you’ll still love me, but don’t you think you’d miss how I am now? I hope that you will. I hope you love me enough now that you’ll miss the bits that change. Don’t you think you would?”

The doctor stared down at the steaming water and nodded solemnly. It looked like his hearts might be breaking just at the thought. Rose took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“I love you, Doctor, but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the bits that are gone, laughs and smiles that are long lost.”

“Today must have been hard,” he acknowledged.

“It was, but it was so nice to see him – that you – again. Another moment to treasure.”

“Do you need a moment? Some time to… to… I don’t know, reflect?”

Rose’s smile returned and she shook her head. “I’ll be okay. What I need now is you, just as you are, my Doctor.”

The Doctor grinned in return and gently squeezed her hand. “Dinner then?” he suggested.

“Sounds great.”

“Fantastic,” he sighed with relief and pulled himself out of the water. “I’m absolutely famished. Eighteen hours of misery and all I got was couple of pastries and a little cold sandwich.”

Rose chuckled as the Doctor helped her up. “Worse than some prisons.”

He nodded in agreement and slowly began leading her back to her TARDIS. “So, because you don’t know the dish, I thought I’d play chef and you can do the prep work. It’s really not-“

“Doctor,” Rose interrupted, pulling him to a stop. “I was thinking… Perhaps we can save your dish for tomorrow? Maybe we can eat out tonight?”

“Just what did you have in mind?”

“Chips?” Rose beamed with the smile the Doctor couldn’t help but return.

“Our first date,” he reminisced.

Rose nodded and nudged him with her shoulder. “What do you think?”

“Perfect. I’ll even pay this time.”

“You’d better. So… Race you there!”

Rose was in her TARDIS before the Doctor even registered what she’d said. But he was only a half-step behind, running barefoot to his own TARDIS. No matter what changes life brought them, one thing was certain – life would be grand, so long as he had his Rose. In the same way, Rose knew she’d always be alright as long as she had her Doctor.

* * *

 

The Doctor awoke in a state of confusion. He noticed immediately that his time sense felt slightly off. In addition, he was buried beneath his blankets with his leather jacket still on. He couldn’t remember climbing into bed and it unnerved him. His brain turned the matter over for a minute, but he shrugged it off rather easily. He hadn’t allowed himself much sleep in weeks. It must have finally caught up to him.

He threw himself immediately into his adventures again, intentionally seeking wrongs of the universe that he could right. Though he once travelled for pleasure, he now moved with purpose. It was his debt. It was penance for his many sins. It was lonely, but he deserved no better.

It was one such mission that brought him back to Earth. The Nestene Consciousness. It was back and trying to take over the planet, a planet he would forever hold close to his heart. Though filled with heaps of ignorant, selfish apes, it was home to many of his past companions. The thought of them caused his lonely hearts to ache.

Rose Tyler. She was a silly little thing, but passionate and filled with such determination. Something in her felt familiar, but try as he might, he couldn’t place it. It made little difference. He no longer took people aboard the TARDIS.

“You’re alien?” she asked. He challenged her, asked if it was alright, and she accepted it immediately. The world she knew had changed in a day, revealing itself to be something much greater than she had ever imagined, and she took it in stride, rising to the occasion.

He couldn’t have done it without her. She saved his life and she saved her planet. She asked for nothing.

He took a chance then, a chance he never thought he’d take again – He invited her along.

She declined. For some reason it stung. Perhaps it was for the better. Proof that he was better alone. Who would want to travel with a grump like him anyway?

Brooding. He was doing it again. Uninterested in jumping to the next crisis, he stole away to his room. Snatching a book off his bedside table, he slumped onto his bed. Opening the book, he stared at his bookmark – a piece of paper he had taken off the night stand a few weeks before. One word was scrawled over center of it – “Rose”

He didn’t remember writing it. Why couldn’t he remember? He must have been half asleep. It couldn’t have anything to do with Rose Tyler, he assured himself. But what if it did? Perhaps a glimpse of his own time stream drifting into his dreams? But that was impossible. Wasn’t it?

She was nothing but an average little human, stuck in a small little life. It was her own choice. He’d offered her the universe and she turned it down. If she wanted to be stuck in the 21st century for the rest of her days, then – But did she realize that she wasn’t restricted to the 21st century? He hadn’t told her that the TARDIS traveled in time, did he?

“She had her chance,” he insisted firmly. “I don’t do second chances.”

He looked at the slip of paper again. Maybe, just maybe, just this once, he’d make an exception. Unexpected hope bloomed in his chest. Something deep within assured him that she wouldn’t refuse him twice.

He was right.


End file.
